Where is the Love (in me)?

People tell me everyday that they love me.
I don't get it.
I can't accept love.
I wall it off.
I push it far, far away from me.
People say I do it cus I'm trying to protect myself.
Maybe.
But also, I don't think I deserve it.
I have so much love in my life, and so much to give.
Sometimes I feel as if I give too much love away, and I don't leave any love for myself.
"Love yourself first, before you can love anybody else," is something that is constantly thrown at me.
It sounds so simple, yet I can't grasp that concept of loving.
It infuriates me.
I begin to hate myself.
I've hated myself ever since I was a young girl.
Maybe that's where all the bullying plays a part in my life.
It has definitely taken a toll on me.
I'm walled off, but I'm still vulnerable.
I hate myself, but I love so many people.
I know how I can change, but I just can't seem to do it.
Something is holding me back.
I'm holding myself back.