Not for the second time, or the third time.
I've lost count of the number of times to be honest.
I make these promises to people that I just can't seem to keep.
I hate lying to them.
I'm weak.
I don't know what else to do.
I've been trying to keep it together, but now I'm just falling apart.
I can't hide them, my cuts; they're right there, right next to the others.
My "collection" keeps growing, like hoarders who drown in all of their junk.
I'm never happy.
Sometimes I really feel at ease and happy, depending on who I'm with.
But when I'm alone with myself, my emotional mind takes over and overwhelms me with sadness.
I feel like there aren't enough meds in the world that can help me.
I want to cry. I want to disappear. I want to leave everything I know and love...
It's hard--
--Hard feeling these feels.
--Hard knowing that I'm disappointing everyone again.
--Hard that I know that I will never be free of these bad feelings
--Hard trying to live a certain way that'll make everyone trust me.
Relapse.
Going back to old bad habits.
Progressively gets worse the more you do it.
How does one break a habit?
Until I find the answer to that question, I'm just going to do what I do best.
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